10 Reasons Why Marriage Failed

10 Reasons Why Marriage Failed

It has been discovered the reasons why marriage collapsed within a short period. Here are the lists of the top ten factors that you need to avoid in your own marriage.

1.  Lack of Respect

Don't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated.

2.  Not Listening to Your Spouse

This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting. Expecting your spouse to be a mind reader is another big communication mistakes

How to Know If You are Marrying the Right Person

How to Know If You are Marrying the Right Person

One of the factors that make us a complete man or woman who will be highly respected and responsible individual is to be married. One needs to be extra careful in the process of looking for a right person to choose as a life partner.

Searching for Miss or Mr Right is not always an easy task. Once you think you've found the right person, you may have doubts. Having doubts about who you are marrying is not only normal, having doubts is healthy.

The following factors are the most considered factors that man or woman always put into consideration whenever he or she looks Mr or Miss right.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who drinks too much.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who spends too much.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who works too much.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who brags too much.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who uses drugs or other illegal behaviour.

·        Shouldn't marry someone who is cruel, dishonest or unfaithful.

Happiness at All Time

It is not realistic expecting a spouse to make you feel happy all the time. Being with the right person can bring happiness and a sense of personal strength to your life.

Being a Supportive Spouse

It is easy to know if you are marrying the right person because the right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. Being with Mr or Miss Right makes you feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled both emotionally and intellectually.

Negativity

The right person will not be negative, selfish, wishy washy, silent, embarrassing, critical, or a slob.

Affection and Love

Someone you want to marry must be person who is understanding and agreeable to your wants and needs when it comes to sex and affection.

You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by loving actions. Loving actions is doing things such as noticing when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don't understand something, kissing you hello and goodbye, and hugging you for no special reason.

Sex

You will know you are marrying the right person if you are sexually compatible with one another. If the two of you view sexual intimacy differently or have different libidos, your marriage relationship will suffer.

Friendly

The right person is someone who you like and who is your friend. The right person will enjoy spending time with you. Your love and your marriage will slowly fade if the two of you are not friends.

Kind, Considerate, And Polite

The right person is kind, considerate, and polite. Little things in life such as saying 'thank you' and holding a door open may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and kindness in a person.

Communication, Goals, and Values

You and the right person will have similar goals and values in life.

Having different likes and different opinions is okay as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.

Understanding that the only constant in life is change, the right person is willing to discuss marriage issues, questions, and topics with you both before and after you get married.

Decision Making and Walking Together

The right person will encourage you to make decisions to live a healthy lifestyle by eating healthier foods and getting exercise. The right person will want to work with you to balance your work and personal lives.
Feeling as if you are the only one picking things up around the house or taking care of the kids can get old. The right person is willing to share in the responsibilities of your home and future children.

Issues of Difficulties or Differences

Finding the right person doesn't mean that the two of you won't have difficulties or differences to deal with. However, with the right person you will know that the two of you will be able to work through the issues that could hurt your relationship. The way you handle disagreements and conflict shows psychologists more than what you fight about.

Trust and Honesty:          The right person will be honest with you and trust you. He or she will not monitor your phone calls, or computer usage, or limit the amount of time you spend with others you care about. You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse does not try to isolate you from your family and friends. You not only need to belong to family, friends, groups, etc., you have the right to do so. The right person in your life will not try to control your life but will want to share a life with you. The wrong person will make you feel as if you must walk on egg shells in order to keep peace in your home. The right person will trust you and not spy on you. Feeling as if you have to justify your every move will become a very heavy burden.

Privacy

The right person for you should be able to acknoledge your privacy or time you need to be alone. When you are not been questioned about your need for time alone or personal space, you should know you are marrying the right person.

Problematic Issues

If you realise that there are problematic issues in your relationship, do not ignore them or delude yourself into thinking that the issues are not that important or that someone you love will change.

Don't Enter Marriage Thinking That All You Need is Love

5 Benefits of Eating Dinner Together at the Table As A Couple and With Children

Benefits of Eating Dinner Together at the Table As A Couple

The couple that eats together stays together.

Is the traditional family dinner a thing of the past? Is it overvalued as an institution that was once a cornerstone of the ideal home but has become obsolete with changing times? In today's households where both parents go to work and kids have busy schedules with school, homework and an array of afternoon activities, finding time for a gathering at the table seems all but impossible.

Yet, studies have shown time and again that eating together has multiple benefits for everyone involved, but especially for children, and not only for nutritional purposes but in many other aspects as well.

It need not be anything fancy. Or require one of you to spend hours slaving away in the kitchen. The benefits of eating together are there to be had regardless of the quality of your food.
As long as you clear away distractions and make the time to focus on each other, and of course the food.
Parent’s Benefits:

1. Eating Together Helps You Connect.

It can be difficult to reach out and nurture you relationship if you aren’t spending enough time together. We need to eat every day. So if you make a point of eating together, you will automatically be creating the shared time so critical for ensuring you don’t drift apart.

2. Eating Together Provides An Opportunity To Practice Gratitude.

In my house we have recently started a habit of sharing at least one thing we’re thankful for before we start eating. Just one thing, no matter how small. It’s amazing how scanning through your day looking for the positive makes you realise how lucky you are. It’s not often that we only have one thing to share.

Another positive outcome is when something good happens during my day, I now make a special mental note to remember to share it at dinner. It’s a great positive conversation starter as well.

3. Eating Together Helps You Relax.

After a long day at the office, we can all benefit from the simple pleasure of preparing and enjoying our evening meal. Not only does it give you a chance to unwind from the day, it prepares you for a well-earned, rejuvenating sleep.

4. Eating together encourages mindful eating.

By sharing a meal, and actually taking the time to talk about what you’re experiencing in terms of flavours and textures, you are both more likely to be mindful of your food, rather than wolfing it down. This leads to further benefits such as reduced over eating, improved digestion and increased enjoyment of food.

5. Eating Together Improves Nutrition

I know when I’m cooking and eating by myself, I put far less effort into my meals. When I’m cooking for two, I’m far more likely to plan something nutritious and go to the effort of making a side salad or some extra vegetables.

6. Eating Together Is Fun!

One of life’s greatest pleasures is sharing good food and wine with the one you love. Life is too short to miss out on this simple joy and all the good things it can bring to our relationships.

Children Benefits:

Children who eat at least five times a week with their family are at lower risk of developing poor eating habits, weight problems or alcohol and substance dependencies, and tend to perform better academically than their peers who frequently eat alone or away from home.

There are indications, however, that the old customs are coming back, at least in parts. According to some families, they ate dinner together at least five times a week, a significant increase from. Whatever drives this trend, it is a development that should be welcomed.

Eating together as a family is not just about food and nutrition. It is about civilizing children, about teaching them how to become members of their society and culture, Food has become such an ubiquitous commodity, so easily and cheaply available, we no longer appreciate its significance. We have to rediscover its importance and its value. Sharing a meal with loved ones should be considered a special event, he says, that can almost take on the form of a ritual or a ceremony, as it was practiced by our ancestors for whom finding food was a constant struggle.

Besides appreciation for the value of food and the work that goes into preparing it, there are also many social elements that come into play when families share meals,. The dinner table can be the perfect environment where kids learn how to conduct conversations, observe good manners, serve others, listen, solve conflicts and compromise.

Of course, there is no guarantee that the simple act of eating at home surrounded by family will save children from developing unhealthy lifestyles or making regrettable choices down the road. It may not make them more virtuous or socially more responsible. But it can lay the groundwork for a lot of things that point them in the right direction.

How To Save Your Relationship and Make It Healthy

How To Save Your Relationship and Make It Healthy

Relationship between couples sometimes gives us a sleepless night as regards how to keep it going on a smooth golden platform.

As a matter of fact, every relationship has its ups and downs. Those couples that has spent years been together may have learnt how to manage the challenges and keep their relationship moving on well. They learn how deal with issues of everyday life.

Many couples reads books and articles, attend seminars, visits counsellors, study other successful couples to deal with issue of relationship.

Relationship Problem: Communication

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make an actual appointment with each. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."
• Use body language to show you are listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we are both working." If you're right, the other can confirm.

Relationship Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch, sexually. A lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. Having sex is one of the last things you should give up. "Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Problem-solving strategies:

• Plan, plan, plan. You may make an appointment,  but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie." Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. When you plan sex to be part of the calendar, it increases your anticipation.
• Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List," Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.
• If your sexual relationship problems cannot be resolved on your own, you may consult a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.

Relationship Problem: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. It is recommended that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.
• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don't blame each other for any wrong.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills (if applicable).
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores

Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. So it's important to fairly divide the labour at home.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home.  Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what. If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say "I do." Relationships lose their lustre. So make yours a priority.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate..." It lets your partner know that they matter.

Relationship Problem: Conflict

Conflict is a part of life. One of you should be able to withdraw from anger whenever conflict arises between both of you. That is, lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

• Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
• Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that's brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
• Do not try to control anyone else's behaviour. Try to control your own behaviour.

Relationship Problem: Trust

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips:

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you'll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don't overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can't take back.
• Don't dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner's boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether.  

First, be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking is unrealistic. Ask for what you need directly.

Next, use humour. Both of you should learn how to let things go and enjoy one another more.

Last but not the least; be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you're in.