How To Save a Relationship and Make It Healthy

How To Save a  Relationship and Make It Healthy

Relationship between couples sometimes gives us a sleepless night as regards how to keep it going on a smooth golden platform.

As a matter of fact, every relationship has its ups and downs. Those couples that has spent years been together may have learnt how to manage the challenges and keep their relationship moving on well. They learn how deal with issues of everyday life.

Many couples reads books and articles, attend seminars, visits counsellors, study other successful couples to deal with issue of relationship.

Relationship Problem: Communication

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make an actual appointment with each. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."
• Use body language to show you are listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we are both working." If you're right, the other can confirm.

Relationship Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch, sexually. A lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. Having sex is one of the last things you should give up. "Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Problem-solving strategies:

• Plan, plan, plan. You may make an appointment,  but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie." Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. When you plan sex to be part of the calendar, it increases your anticipation.
• Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List," Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.
• If your sexual relationship problems cannot be resolved on your own, you may consult a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.

Relationship Problem: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. It is recommended that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.
• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don't blame each other for any wrong.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills (if applicable).
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores

Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. So it's important to fairly divide the labour at home.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home.  Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what. If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say "I do." Relationships lose their lustre. So make yours a priority.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate..." It lets your partner know that they matter.

Relationship Problem: Conflict

Conflict is a part of life. One of you should be able to withdraw from anger whenever conflict arises between both of you. That is, lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

• Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
• Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that's brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
• Do not try to control anyone else's behaviour. Try to control your own behaviour.

Relationship Problem: Trust

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips:

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you'll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don't overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can't take back.
• Don't dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner's boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether.  

First, be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking is unrealistic. Ask for what you need directly.

Next, use humour. Both of you should learn how to let things go and enjoy one another more.

Last but not the least; be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you're in.

 

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